Where it started.

As a teenager, all of us are tempted in the world of peer pressure at least once in those years. Unfortunately for me, it started at the age of 15, drinking, smoking cigarettes, smoking weed. They were all things that I was okay with doing because I was 1. trying to fit in. 2. very dependent on acceptance. As a teenager in high school you feel like everything matters and counts. That is where the dependency came into play, weekend parties, having friends who knew older people to get it for me. I was drinking every weekend just about, I know what you all are probably thinking too; “what did her parents think about all of this, they had to know?”. In fact, they did know. They allowed me to drink while they had eye on me and it became very clear that I was at the start of a huge problem. What I thought to had been fun had turned into a constant cycle of “living my best life” to “wow I’m never drinking again” just to redo it all over the next day. I had a lot of pain, right before I started high school I was put into a bad position without even realizing what was going to happen. Someone took my innocence from me without consent, I was drugged. I never reported it, just buried it deep down cause of how solely ashamed I was to even admit something like that happened to me. So I drowned my sorrows and feelings into trying so hard to be accepted from my peers moving forward. I became so codependent on alcohol at such a young age without realizing the long term effects it would have on me. But here we are, the reason I’m making this blog. The reasoning behind me finally seeking out for help. As a child, codependency isn’t what you are thinking about. It’s just a fun time with good friends, letting loose on a weekend. Here I am almost a decade later, struggling to just keep my head above water. From the second I touched alcohol, to about a week ago, I always felt like I had it under control. I just never did, I never spoke on this problem because I believed I had no problem. Now, here I am admitting it today.

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